Cascade Crew

[Guest]

well i've been going out with my girlfriend for over a year now and things have been well. but we are going to a friend's wedding this wekend and don't want her getting any fancy ideas in her head. since you are such an expert on marriage, ladies, and such i thought i'd seek your wisdom and guidance

signed,
"not ready to be married"

[Guest]

Dear Unmarried,

There are a couple of options for you, depending on your situation.

If you plan to NEVER marry this girl. You do this. Offer to drive. Take your thirdgen, we all konw they are very problematic, even your girlfriend knows this. When you get near a sports bar that is on the way to the destination, just let your car stall out at a red light. Pretend you can't get it to start for a while, then go get a beer, sit down, watch NFL network, and plan out your fantisy football team. This is what we call a win/win. You get out of the wedding, and you get the jump on all your other single friends who have nothing better to do either.

If you do plan to continue in the pursiot of this fickle young lady who might be woo'ed by the crazy thought of nuptuals, then you have to do what Men have done for thousands of years. Come up with a ridiculasly over the top plan, and hope and pray you don't screw it up. A plan like this, is going to be a litle more involved. Here are two keys to success.

1) Be late enough that your miss the flower girl, everyone thinks they are cute, and start getting all mushy, make sure you are at least 7 minutes late, this will also help you to be able to sneak in, without gifting, and no one will notice. To ackomplish this, you need to make it HER fault. So, what you do, is notice that she has some blotch of makeup or something wrong with her hair, just as you are getting ready to leave. This will take her at least 20 minutes to figure out, and get you to the wedding late enough, that you miss the cute little kids

2) You need to make her realise over the top fantisy weddings suck, and everyone hates them. This one is an easy task. At the reception, make sure you and your lady friend sit next to the father of the bride. Get him a drink or two, and all you will hear is about how much the wedding cost, how horrible it is, how much he hates the groom, and why they shouldn't be married.

I hope that this will help you in your struggle against unbeatable foe that we call "estrogen", it is really an unwinnable battle, but remeber, the more over the top, and crazy the plan is, the more it shows you really care.

Sincerely,
The Lama